Although I’m sleepy, sick and bruised, I’m writing this post with a smile on my face as yesterday was 12/12 – my last chemo. It’s safe to say I went out with a bang, spending 6 hours in the hospital, having the cannula inserted into my arms 7 times and prodded around under my skin and having to stop my chemo half way through for half an hour as I had an allergic reaction to one of the drugs. Thankfully some antihistamines sorted me out and my drip started again but it was really stressful. My blood count was low again so I have more GCSF injections to boost my bone marrow but I’m so used to needles now that they don’t really bother me.
One of the most common responses to people reading my blog is how positive I have been throughout this whole process and while for the most part I have stayed relatively positive that is not to say that I haven’t had the occasional break down. I get upset over my hair, the changes in my skin/face and body that I have no control over and the odd panic that I still have cancer in my body, or that it will come back (thanks a lot to John Green and a fault in our stars for putting that idea in my head), and of course when I’m in the house alone and everyone is out drinking. However, I can safely say that these mini breakdowns would have been A LOT more frequent had it not been for the support I have received. It sounds really cliche and a bit gimpy but you really do realise who your friends are when you go through something like that. It’s quite shocking really that there are some people who I thought I was close to but who still haven’t sent me a message asking how I am, but at the same time I don’t really care, as I have everyone I need already. If this experience has taught me anything it’s to just be more chilled about life, there is no point in stressing about things out of your control.
On a more positive note, the main purpose of this post was to just thank everyone who has supported me – anyone who has read the blog or written on it – thank you millions :). I’d also like to just thank the people who have treated me like a normal person who doesn’t have cancer, while quietly letting me know that if theres anything I need they’re more than happy to help – in particular the girls in my gender seminar and Caitlin. Special thanks has to go to Issy, who I can manage to have a three hour lunch with and not even mention the fact that I’m ill, spending the entire time talking about normal girly things like uni and boys. My Spooner/Sale Hill gang have been unreal – the fires, the trips to the pub/the quizzes and for noone batting an eyelid when i cba with my wig and wander round in my bandana/bare baldy head. I’m really sorry if this feels like a list but its my blog and i’ll write what i want 🙂
My main gal Melissa – thanks a bunch for coming to blood tests/watching me inject myself even though you’re squeamish, for listening to me moan about some quite honestly disgusting topics (particularly the one at the hospital after my infection), for always being there, making me laugh and especially for my unreal balloons/cake and cider after a stressful chemo yesterday.
Alex – for offering to type up my 5000 word essay when my arms were sore, for letting me rant to him about everything and anything and for generally being a history/life bestie
Daniel – for never complaining when me and Mel come and bother you when we’re bored, even though you’re usually up to your ears in work/ in the middle of watching something, for making me smile and for your endless history knowledge
Harry – for making sure the house is clean for me, I think without you I would have had about 7 million infections. and for not complaining when its our bin week which you have to do on your own because I’m at home with my chemo hangover
George – for never complaining even though I’m 99% sure that you can hear me singing quite loudly and out of tune to the Lion King and Pocahontas
Tom – for making it worth it when i stay up until 3 for everyone to come home – ‘stephanie’ ‘tabitha’ ‘why didn’t they buy jesus an iPad’, possibly the funniest drunk ever. also thanks for the lifts to various places for carrot juice
Alex (Sparky) – thanks for looking after me the other day (and dan too) and for buying me that energy drink, I still need to pay you back actually oops..
James – not entirely sure what to say without sounding like a gimp. thanks for not running for the hills when my hair started falling out, for spending a lot of time at chemo with me and for keeping me calm when I get upset and for generally making me feel like a normal person. You’re the only person I want to talk to when I’m tired/sick/hating life and the only one who can cheer me up.
Sozza, Evie and Beth – classing you as family as I don’t think we could be more close, I think of you as being more like sisters than friends. couldn’t have done it without yous, I love you so much yous are my rock and our ongoing Pitbull appreciation group has been such a good distraction from all of this, never failing to make me laugh. I can’t wait for the summer we’ve planned it’s going to be amazing.
My family have also been amazing, my cousins, aunties and uncles, grandparents for their endless support, nothing is too much trouble. Especially to my auntie daisy (and her clanger) for coming to almost every chemo with snacks that stink out the entire ward, magazines to keep us busy and pick n mix. NOTHING cheers me up like pick n mix. its my weakness. Thanks as well goes to my gran and grandad and Uncle Andrew for having the house professionally cleaned and lots of lovely presents. Also to my Nanny for making me about 50 lasagnes/moussakas and cottage pies for me to eat on the days where I’m too tired/poorly to cook for myself. My Mum, Dad and Pan for putting up with me when I’m in one of my awful post chemo moods where I don’t want to speak to anyone, lots of losties, for having plan-less weekends and for the probably thousands of miles travelled to and from sheffield for scans/doctors appointments and chemo. For lots of meals out and cocktails, and for listening to sobbing women/enya on repeat without (much) complaint. Anyone as well who have supported my family through this – thank you a lot. Lynne, Caroline and Keeley and my Uncle Gary – if I’ve missed anyone out I’m sorry but I’m sure if you have offered some support you know who you are!
I’m going to write a new blog post when I get the results of my scan, in about 2 months time. Until then I will be mostly revising, and then when my blood count is back to normal having a big celebration with people in Sheffield, then with my ryton gals and family. I’m going to post pictures of my hair so I can mark my progress on the blog as well, but I won’t post this on twitter or Facebook every time – it’s more a thing for me.
So that’s it for a few months, no more chemo hallelujah!
Lots of love as always